should have never asked
feel lame

can't doze off

starting to feel hangover

life has deteriorated 

feel apologetic

my chapped lips

laughing at myself
it is dark
no one can hear me
but it is embarrassing

i think i can hear voices
nothing seems quite real

suicide is one step closer to the truth
but truth brings no satisfaction
good is instant 




my girlfriend is sleeping
time ticks by
my eyes are dry
I feel like idling
there is nothing more to do

the lights are on and she is still sleeping
I feel like loitering

soft tires treading on asphalt outside
            numbs my breathing

her legs are bent
and neck is craned
flustered hair
bored facial expression
entry to passive emotions
dealt and left with

she is still sleeping


thanks rube goldberg

thanks rube goldberg

bottle raised to mouth pulling
string attached to lever attached to fork striking
switch turning stove on heating the water
boiling sending
steam onto washcloth
now soaked with steam
sent downwards to sleeping dog
slapped on the face by soaking washcloth
wakes up hits head on plywood
reverberations shake vase
falls on seesaw
opens up rabbit cage
rabbit runs to carrot
carrot detaches from slingshot
beads thrown out window
lands on car
alarm rings
girlfriend wakes up slaps me on the face
and asks me to never do this again


life of broken vinyls

life of broken vinyls/
disheartening remedy/
disappointment evidence/
imperfections through prisms/
broken tooth/
and dripping limbs/
and holiday feet/
and gumdrop cheeks/
a dancing macabre rooftop hung-drunk dying breed/
that which unto itself is drawn/
quartered and dried/

modern voodoo/
silent cigarette smoke/
dusty fingernails/
thinking of you/

sing blue/
dancing jeans/
bodiless perfection/
flowing curving/
visceral translation/
lying softly/


to claim it was a fabrication means you don’t acknowledge life

we are all complicit
don hats of apathy
master nothing worthwhile
over 300,000 dead in 6 weeks and
no one bats an eye
we drink lipton iced tea to this day
and remain oblivious of deaths that portend more impending death
causality drives our intentions
but that is not true
failure and desire
rule our social interactions
but that is not true
rejection and terror
run it awry
dying because of curiosity
at risk of finding it
steamboats plunge into icy waves
steel shots slugged inside
bodies sink when weighted
thousands litter the shore
brazen fires light the mountaintops
holes are plugged and there is just one way out
innocence ruined before your eyes
murals painted on ground
towers decay and attract scavengers
not a soul blinked to see half a million disappear
buried in anonymity
small donations of generosity
are never left forgotten
but to filter out evil
all is bleak
she killed herself by a cornfield
aren’t we all a little bit dead


sushi after 4

drinking in the sunkiss
we are all sunkiss't

sushi after 4

bright beams yes
brighty eyes


my life is wafers
is that so wrong
apparently so
i think

phone tickets
phonetic squealing my bones seem to be squash and my eyes are dilated to the extreme

I feel bone sponge –
and it's negative inside


she wanted to get drunk with me here

a north wind blast straight down the valley
hit my face here and here

waiting for the sky to clear
ringing in the distance
muffled shouts            dying whispers
don't want to be alone

grey cat's tails flicker on and off
midnight summer evening
she wears blue sun gown here
flats and ribbons too

cityscape beyond maize here

trolley cars present without conductors
            wired trails frayed from misuse
empty station
hidden edward hopper painting here

girl kiss boy kiss girl kiss boy
share lips and drink from same cup boy
share straws and fries            pass the vinegar please
candy   drugs   soda
traffic lights flash here

she wanted to get drunk with me here


mix tape (part of 1994summerblues series)

she held the cassette in her hand
and threw it at me
the tape broke when it hit the sidewalk
I saw her hair wave as the ocean air filled my lungs
and the beach drowned out our tears
songs of our love                     gone


rendezvous de aout (part of 'rendezvous...' series)

the sun is brilliant
edith piaf sings to me
            milord sing with me    dance with me

my pen drinks the ash from the lucky
            chante milord   chante

the paper is stained with ink and coffee
and the air smells of garlic and toast

patrons buzz and staccato laugh
but stop to stare
when you walk into the cafe
all is quiet but dear edith continues
            padam  padam  padam

'life is pure
but I am not innocent'
you had once told me

            I dreamt of you last night
            a time when we were pure
heavy drunk eyes land on me
to grab my face
smells of fresh cigarette and faint lilacs possess me
                        mon ami          mon ami
                        let me drink from the cup and see to it that you are full

we reminisced about the day
your nails are polished and white
dimples – your smile

I look towards home
the sun is brilliant
orchids are in full bloom
edith piaf serenades my tired ears

Capucine         full of life


there is an unmarked grave behind the palisades mall

mother i am fine
i am the farthest thing from the truth

mother i am alright
there is nothing to be afraid of

mother i am okay
there was nothing to hold on to

mother i am dying
the only thing that kept me alive

mother i am dead
the dreams i dreamt were only dreams

i am drowning
in all of the bitterness

i am head down in the field
and i am dreaming

my eyes wide open
for the last time


[ph]antom cosmo[nauts]>>fantom cosmo-nots




torre bert
november 1962
3 crew sky-high

alexey belokonev
another man
finalist woman

sheet metal cone
sun visor reflector
green blinking bulb

do this for mother
it is our god-given right
frantic message

  conditions growing worse
  why don't you answer
  we are going slower

  the world will never know [(a)[b/(o/ut)]] us




heartbeats breathing from impending failure {gennady mikhailov}


who is this
faint and dismissive

trans mission metal
bits and confused

air tight locks seal
her life shut

fright marches fear
dark and ghastly

twisted and torn
her voice pierces out

radial rhythms circadian
patterns but she is not there

nothing to see nothing
to find

all that's left –
her voice asking for help


she deleted me
brushed me away
I am nothing now
I will never be found
I live in darkness

5 in 6
20 in 22
where have I gone
brushed me away
mother surely did


dirt fingers cause infections (part 2/7)

cold grey and wet

grit sweat and tears

mismatched brick

layers jun's body

jutting out in

the jetty


the world's most terrifying landlady kicks the bucket

We today
determine one thing:
value of life

touching on
traumatic life

the jurors to see
through her eyes

"You have heard of the despair
the anger

would you want that to happen to yourself
Would you want that to happen to your children

believe there is
reason for us to be
here on earth

somehow enhance
humanity, to love, to
touch each other
to breathe easier because you have lived

testify for Dorothea Puente

understand why so many people testified and asked
to spare Dorthea's life
if you have ever fallen
down and stumbled on the road
of life and had
someone pick you up
give you comfort
give you love

understand why these people believe
life is worth saving

human quality
deserves to be
preserved. It is a flame
of humanity that
Dorthea since she was

That is reason to give
life without the
possibility of parole


if I could recycle lives, I wouldn't do it at all

a shift in bodegas
where I learned
how to gamble
and drink beer

elias the general
manager ­­–
rotund hairy
worked late nights

elias and I were

we drank beer
in the back
and smoked
cigarettes in
the front after
drinking beer
in the back

we were pretty
good friends

he told me
'I never learned
how to swim'
and took a
drag from his
menthol cigarette

I shrugged and
said 'you
have time
just take a night
off or something
and we can go to
a pool'

we agreed that
was a good idea

he went back inside
and I left with
his pack of cigarettes
in my hand

the next morning
I woke up
and got dressed
and went to
say 'hi' to elias
because I am a
good friend

I biked five miles
to find out his store was
roped off
and I learned that
elias was shot
in the face by a
pistol and crashed
backwards onto
cigarette cartons
that we planned to
steal one day


dirty fingers cause infections (part 4/7)

the faces of the
faceless haunt
my dreams:

floating face-
the bloated

frozen in mid-
clap drowning
in happiness

'memories amid
debris and rubble­

coated with mud
a photo album lies'
caked with nameless


i submitted this to some poetry magazine but i haven't heard back yet

laundry blanket the ground like leaves
untouched refuse hides beneath the bed
  burnt coffee
  wet cigarette drags

sleep-tossed hair biting dusty air
rosy cheeks kissing chest
  holding arms
  entangled vines

sweet assortment of nouns
  floating in the air
  lingering caressing exfoliating
drinking sweat and speculating

              cocaine drips from the blizzard sky
            coconuts thump within radiators
            bananas blemish and peel itself

  covetous guilt looms like jury duty
gratuitous gifts left forgotten
closed behind locked iron gates
buried deep unhinged memories

faded tombstones tower over piled laundry
  soiled leaves scattered
damp rustic chasms unabridged itineraries
damaged values incoherent spectral lovers

                                    leaves float on water
                                    leaves float on water

packaged cartons bleed
woolen beasts contemplate suicide
kick undevoured frightwalkers
under the influence of fresh burnt coffee
  dragging wet cigarette cones
finger-stench resonate on gloves

western landscapes stash candles under beds
rolling landscapes picturesque voyeurs
stained glass block eyes
scratch out bloody and pinpricked toes
              laundry blanket the ground like leaves


this happened in june a long time ago and it still makes me mad

vinny chin
chinny vin
vincent chin

            it was
back when he was twenty-

four blows
  to his yellow
  head landed                                     square
            fucking his brain

                                                "it's because of you
little motherfuckers that
            out of work"

fuck you motherfucker
they said to
            as if they knew he fucked mothers

                        in mcdonalds ­–
imagine –
how would you finish a big mac

  red bat dusty
red louisville

kentucky red
            vinny's crown

motherfucker vincent
blue collar chinese american motherfucker
            lying on grease tiles             serving billions

trillions of french cut potatoes
trillions of dying cells
billions of hamburgers served
billions of neurons killed

two men killed one man
because of jobs
two white men killed one asian man

because of jobs

grab vincent by the shoulders
                        hold him down and with
                        four swift strokes end
                        his life as if it will stimulate
                        the economy

is that how the world will
come to be –

it's not fair
he whispered
rolling back cells
counting down the lives

droning comatose


gchat Series 1.3

To: Jason Koh
me: bro
where are you
why don't you talk 2 me
i love you bro
frankly my bro i don't give a damn, bro
I have this feeling bro that we're not in kansas anymore bro