sleep out in the gutter

when you lay with me

   in my room

I took in the soft aura of

  your face

and I felt as if I was

        looking at a work

of Ansel Adams 

         the lights of passing cars

briefly lit your painted cheeks

  and cast playful shadows

along the walls

          like how the sun toys with

          the canyons of Yosemite

and causes men to shiver 

  at the sight of its beauty.

          your red locks

 your blinking lashes

 your soft breath

carried my thoughts away

       away to 

a far away place

V

it's 2am in Denmark and
    the streets look like polaroids

outside a Delicatessen I see
 you at a table nursing a glass of scotch -
                            under the soft glow of the
gas lit lamps
        its color matches the brilliance
  of your golden hair

           I take a sip of bitter Danish coffee
while you turn to look my way
  and I see your eyes of
cloudless skies and open fields
          graze upon my lit cigarette
          and you smile politely
   acknowledging my tardiness

                        five years have blown past us
  as if we are static characters in
   this movie we call life

have we changed
  have we morphed from the
claws of Lilith's shadows
  to become consumers of
seltzer and whiskey

have we changed from the
  decrees of Mao
proclaiming consumerism to be
  unethical

here we are
  sitting under the flames
of Denmark wondering;
         wondering about
past brothers and sisters and future
   brothers and sisters;
 wondering how much a
cup of tea is in New Delhi
 wondering how much a
slice of chocolate mousse is in Dublin

      it is now 2:34 D.
                savings time

  the streets look like
negatives and
       the air feels salacious.

hpstr rnff

trying 2 hard 2 b sum1
  tht is my life

i ruined myself
  whr is my cause -
          wht is my cause

i write undr florescent lghts
    wndrng whr u went
wndrng y i am myself
  disappointing and alone

//////////////////////////////////////////

y r we nt friends anymore
  r u 2 cool 4 me
mayb u r
    but
i miss u madly

i miss ur bangs
  i miss ur lips
    i miss ur slendr shouldrs
      i miss ur alt breasts
        i miss ur am appy ass

bur rght now
  i'm not evn 'myself'
i'm trying 2 hard 2 b sum1
  tht is my life

//////////////////////////////////////////

sumtimes i sit at my desk
  writing nonsense trying 2
make sense of my life (via words)
      and
it's meaningless without u

thanks 4 walking out on me
  thanks 4 losing my identity
    thanks 4 this unchill feeling

//////////////////////////////////////////

is this 'irony'
  is this 'fate'
    is this 'meaning'
      is this 'existence'

i'm trying hard 2 b sum1
  i'm trying hard 2 4get
    i'm trying hard 2 find 'meaning'

                              but i can't do any of this
until i find myself -
                 in 'irony'
                 in 'fate'
                 in 'meaning'
                 in 'existence'
                 in 'you'

summer dreams

as papwurst the draconian prince
      fought the bearded grizzly bear

lumpy the pissing wizard took me aside
  and told me:
        this is where mohawks come to die
and I thought of all the douchebags
  who sported mohawks who all
eventually shaved it off to conform to
society.

papwurst's liver burst
  and the bear ate it off the ground

its beard was grey and full of leaves
  and sand -

I was entranced

a helicopter flew above us
          showering me with gasoline and dirt
and I fell down an apartment complex
  watching the ground fly towards
  me as I could only stare and think
of my previous life.

I thought
      'wow i'm miserable'
and I woke up

yellow cab/green cab/red cab

i'm ready for summer to be over

this hot hot heat
    the humid sticky air
the wet summer breeze

i want it all to end
  and have the bright afternoon sun shine
down on me as the dry autumn breeze
  lifts the dense summer air away

i'm ready for the cool, crisp october weather
  i'm ready for the leaves to change
and to walk down broadway without breaking a sweat

life

                              carry me
  out west
                       and
                 let me smell the
  Pacific air
    before the sun rises

74936062

you're dragging me down with you into this pit of awkwardness
 I know you pretend not to care but
 it's obvious you do

stop pretending

I call it your decision
 but you call it my mistake
 and I can't stand it

the day you lied to me
 the life you stole from me
 the life I will never get back
because of you
 it's all your fault
 and you know it

but
 here you are in front of me
smiling
 pretending nothing is wrong
 as if you are innocent

pretending as if I'm the guilty party
pretending as if I'm the one at fault
pretending as if I brought it upon myself

I can never go back
 never go back home
 all because of you.

tequila night

it's 12:33
the shades are down
I can still see the sun

I don't want to get up
my head hurts from last night
there is someone next to me

what is her name?
hannah? portia?
what is her name?

I am naked
she is naked
where are my clothes?

my socks are still on
so am I really naked?
my head really hurts

maybe I should go back to bed
who is this girl?
her shoulders are freckled

her hair is golden brown
I really need water
my mouth is dry

I wonder if she is dry
she has a ring
I'm really fucked now

where was I last night?
she has a penguin tattoo
her legs are shaved

is she shaved down there too?
does she have stretch marks?
where is my cell phone?

I hope I didn't drunk text anyone
I hope I didn't drunk dial anyone
I hope I didn't drunk Facebook anyone

did I use a condom?
did we even have sex?
I hope I used a condom

she has a firm ass
what is her name again?
cassandra?

possessive

water color tears paint her face blue
  blue as the churning ocean in winter

they drop peppering the satin a deep red
  red like the wine of Christ

a position of pity and penance
  she begins to beg for solace

melodious sobs surround the solemn
  birch pews a hundred years aged

limestones reject the pleas for
  salvation as mocha colored altars creak in pain

her palm brushes away the tears
  leaving streaks of black and blue in it's wake

rebecca

you just lay there
  on the plush velvet cushions

waiting

          for the second coming
the prophecy.

I've seen all the signs and
                  I know you've felt it too -

- you rocking your body
                              and quaking as if in fright

feverish moans and purposeless gesticulations
  you wait for the second coming

                                                  are you afraid
are you welcoming it

you grab your hair and roll your eyes
  towards the heavens
  as if asking for mercy -
- for God's gracious mercy

you thrust your hand into your mouth
                   to stifle a cry

are you holding back a prayer

you
   look at me and
I
  look at you
your eyes are feral
                       and wild
and you mouth 'I want to die'
    and die you did
              with
the second coming,
       (the opening of the floodgates)

you twist and turn as if you are
     regretting your decision
and become
    violent
thrashing about
    screaming
for mercy and God

then
           you
        stop

and shiver as I reach for your hand

' I died tonight' you
            whisper to me

and close your eyes.

metronome

yoannes kabul
       dropped the ball it
was his departure - his time

                       bullshit

he ruined his life
    giving away savings
investing in dog racing
             gambling in slots
why did you do such a thing
                                yoannes kabul

thunder bullshit cock fucker
  clean your mouth with this napkin
peruvian mocha cappuccino
      think that's delicious
yoannes kabul
    black gold black gold black
gold you wash your body in
filth and rinse your mouth
       in black gold

you didn't hit jackpot you hit
                    the floor as hard as
kettle irons falling from the sixth floor

broken bottle broken dreams
  shattered teeth shattered femurs
fractured walls fractured ribs
you belong in a slaughterhouse
            yoannes kabul

your finger bullets hit nothing
  there is no target except for you
just your lifeless limbs and heaving body
  are you trying to suck life back into
yourself
  are you trying to inhale back life from
your past

there's a finger on my trigger yoannes kabul
  can you feel it on the back of your head

smoke
           plumes of smoke like feathers
rise to the ground
      why are you facedown yoannes kabul
why are you kissing the ground
  look towards the heavens aren't you
    worried about your soul

will you ride down to Hell with me
          will you watch me drive my Buick
     I hear it's cold in Hell let's wait
for summer -

                            yoannes kabul the flowers are
   whispering your name they want you
they want you

bottom feeding worm fucking dirt slobberer
  yoannes kabul the Russians are
       coming for you I hear they will
feed you hot dogs and fatten you up

this peruvian hot chocolate is delicious
and I wash my body in black
gold black gold I wash my body
in black gold
      yoannes kabul

                                     let me drive down
        let me go so let's not worry
        let me crash this Buick and
        let me tell you
you,
        yoannes kabul -
   I am just like you

gasoline

you,

           my heartless lover
           my trouble maker

bring me nothing but grief
    please
                    abuse my torn and
tattered heart to your content

your sharp words cut away my flesh
  and saws away at my skull
                                                  into my brain
                                                                  until
       your touch
                         your warmth
glides across my back to soothe my aching
  heart.

I grow lean with your love
  (or lack thereof)
  I know I am imprisoned -
                      - trapped in this love
  and I wish to escape it

so,
  let me be Aeneas to you, Dido
  let me be Tereus
           and you, Philomela
  let yourself realize my generosity
    and resign yourself from this heartless love.

portland

your green eyes grab me with wanton lust -
          I know it possesses every man
your cold grasp reels in many and
  creates nothing but trouble

some men are indebted to you -
  you brought them pleasure
others are grappled with death as
  you brought them [nothing but] envy

I pair your golden locks
  crisp and golden, matching the
        greenness of your eyes, with
two emerald orbs shining under the relentless sun.

now darling please throw me
  into a pit of leisure
driving amongst heathens
  drinking amongst sinners
    sleeping with harlots
all the while with you hanging on my arms -
              and becoming the envy of all men.

anymore

you walked right by me -
          so close that I could smell the
          citric tang of your lip gloss
and you didn't say a word.

have you crossed Lethe's banks on
  purpose or by accident?
either way it wounds my heart
  as blades do to open flesh

my mind is flooded with thoughts
  thoughts
of pain sustained by danger

that citric tang clouds my mind
  and I cannot bring myself to
say
        Hello.