fluffy duck butt

Mother, mother I was in
  a pit of despair! It
  was awful - so dark
  and depressing

I wanted nothing but
  out. I am here today
  thanks to my good
  friend, duck. Duck
 
please say hello to
  my mother, Siamese.
  Mother, this is Duck,
  Duck saved my life!

Duck told me stories
  about the misty lagoons
  of Yorkshire and the
  ancient turtles that inhabit

it. I was so entranced by
  his tales that I had to go
  see it! When I arrived in
  Yorkshire, I was immediately

mugged and I was shot
  twelve times in the same
  place and Duck had borrowed
  two hundred pounds from me

and I had no idea!